Il n'y a aucune cuillere

Those bold in daring, will die:
Those bold in not daring will survive.
Of those two, either may benefit or harm.

Nature decides which is evil,
But who can know why?
Even the enlightened find this difficult.

The Tao in Nature
Does not contend,
yet skillfully triumphs,
Does not speak,
yet skillfully responds,
Does not summon,
and yet attracts,
Does not hasten,
yet skillfully designs.

Nature's network is vast, so vast
Its mesh is coarse, yet nothing slips through.

Username switch, babeeeee! Much thanks to trelana for the hookup. =)

For those of you who care about such things, there's a Woot-Off going on right now.

www.woot.com

Learn it. Live it. Love it. For $5 shipping.

Attention faithful readers:

WE'VE GOT WOOT OFF SIGN!!!!!!

www.woot.com

Go forth and get cheap shit.

(reposted from solcita's journal with her permission - I, too, was a member of the LiveJournal Abuse Team, and the people I worked with do a thankless job to the absolute best of their ability. I've seen 10+ people working desperately at 2:00am to find information on a potential suicide, and I know they've saved more lives than anyone truly realizes.)

Those who are newer to my journal may not know that I was once a member of the LiveJournal Abuse Team. For two years I volunteered my time because I enjoyed the work and loved the people on the team. In my time on the team I saw everything from Tubgirl to the Passion of the Christ comment-spambots. I witnessed my fellow team members spending hours researching account-hacking rings and making desperate searches for information when suicide threats were reported to us. Though I'm no longer a member of the Team due to a lack of free time, I have a great deal of respect for the Team's members and management.

This whole kerfluffle over default icons of babies breastfeeing has been blown so far out of proportion as to be unrecognizable from the original issue. I have seen members of the Abuse Team -- some of my dearest friends -- subjected to unwarranted vicious personal attacks and insults. Why was that necessary? Why must people be so awful to each other instead of engaging in civilized debate and discourse? LJ did not make an "attack on women and mothers", and to claim that they did is nothing short of ridiculous, as well as being a gross misrepresentation of the facts.

The last thing I will say on this matter is that deleting your journal for 24 hours in some sort of silly boycott is about as useful as not buying gasoline for 24 hours. If you really feel so strongly about the issue that you want to take your ball and go home, there are plenty of other journalling sites out there that you can use.

I support the LJ Abuse Team. It's very likely that you have been affected for the better by some action of theirs without your knowing it, but of course it's only when someone disagrees with them do you ever hear anything about them at all, and then all you hear is how evil and unreasonable they are.

The people on the team work hard to make sure you can tell all your friends what flavor of ice cream your cats are this week. Theirs is a thankless and vitally important job, and they do it for free, because they care about the site. Please try to remember that.

From corinthia: How did your parents die? How did you handle it then? How do you handle it now?

My dad died when I was 16 due to pancreatic cancer. He was sick for about a year before that, but the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with him. My family went so far as to check him into a psychiatric hospital - he had stopped eating because "food just didn't taste right", and every doctor we went to said he was as healthy as a 67 year old man was going to be. That ranks pretty highly in my biggest regrets list.

My mom died in January of 2001 of an aneurysm. I'd just moved to Houston about 3 weeks before, and came home from Amtgard one Sunday to find a message on my cell phone telling me to call home immediately. I wasn't able to get anyone on the phone at home, so I called my brother in Oregon to get the news.

As for how I handled it then, they were both fairly similar: I locked it up. After my dad died, my brothers and sister wanted me to visit a psychiatrist to "work out my issues" because I didn't cry or break down. Looking back, I think the reason I didn't cry or break down was because his illness was so drawn out. He was in the ICU for the last month of his life, and was unconscious for most of that. I spent many hours in that hospital (developing a semi-irrational hatred of them) but in the end I'd already come to terms with losing him, so the actual event didn't hit as hard as you might think it would.

With my mom, it was much more sudden. Three weeks before, I'd seen her at her normal full speed: cooking, cleaning, running around town in her little Dodge Neon that she just loved. According to my brother, she was fine the day before, but woke up early with chest pains. She, being her usual "I'm fine, I'm fine" self, ignored it until around noon before she let him drive her to the hospital. By the time the doctors were able to see her, it was too late. Her death hit me a lot harder than my dad's did, mainly because I'd always thought she would outlive all of us.

As for how I handle it now, it's funny that you asked this specific question. Last night (before you asked this question, even), I was just hanging out on the computer when I started thinking about how much I still miss them, even after all this time. I can still hear his voice telling me to get my stuff together to go fishing. I can still smell her from-scratch chocolate cake after coming home from school. As lame as it sounds, the strongest memory I have is the smell of her perfume from when I was in day care. I could tell she was there to pick me up because she'd walk back into the main room and I could smell her perfume. It wasn't that strong or anything - I just knew that smell meant I was going home, and it made me happy. To this day, I'll catch a whiff of it in a mall or a grocery store and be drawn back into being 7 years old again, running to hug her.

"How was your day?"
"Great, mom!"
"That's great, dear - ready to go home?"
"Yes!"

Always ready to go home.

I should post in this thing more often. It's cathartic for my vocabulary, since I can write in here and use words like "cathartic" and "vocabulary" in order to get the 50 cent words all out of the way. This allows me to speak badly and use highly incorrect grammar the rest of the time. On a good day, I can get the Double Irony Word Score for misusing the word "malapropism" on here, followed up by putting my 780 verbal SAT score to good use by calling my co-workers "some damn dumbass stupid no-brain-havin' buttmonkeys" while pretending to work.

Good times, yo. Good times.

Here's the thing: I love to write. However, like so many other things, love to do != able to do well. I like singing, but I sound like a drunken cat. This is not false modesty. I know a lot of people who say "I can't sing!", then belt out friggin' Mariah Carey-level tunes. I *should* be able to sing in key, but I can't. In a cruel twist, I can't hear myself out of key, but I sure can hear other people. It's bothersome at times, but very low drag as far as problems go.

Writing is the same. Love it. LOVE IT. My main problem with writing is that I always start on a story idea, get 2/3rds of the way through it, then I re-read it and think "Good lord, man. This is crap. I've read stereo instructions in Yiddish with stronger plotlines. Quick, delete it before a thinking adult reads this and tries to claw out my brain!", and off it goes to the magic recycle bin. I understand that all writers have to go back through their work and rewrite, sometimes many times. I just get this strong feeling of embarrassment when I read my own work, like I'm back in fifth grade trying to hide under a table while our teacher is reading our "What did I do over the summer?" essays aloud to the class. Je suis tres embarrasse et je voudrais se cacher maintenant, y'know?

But, like the spinning wheel and Ben Affleck's career, we return from which we began. I once heard some author speak at a booksigning (I wasn't there for the signing, just filling my crack book addiction) say that a lot of the really good authors don't write because they want to - they write because they have to, because writing is less painful than not writing.

That's a cool way to think about it, isn't it?

Okay, okay, no more pensiveness. Back to the inane babbling that has become my personal LiveJournal signature.

I've been reading solcita's interview questions, and I really like that she's open enough to answer pretty much anything. I think I'll give it a try. So, any burning questions that you've had, here's your shot to ask. I'm feeling expansive and deep, so feel free to ask anything - whether it's related to me or not. Be warned that existential questions will most likely receive existential answers. If it's a personal question that you'd rather not have your name attached to, feel free to post it anonymously - I'm screening anonymous ones and will post entries with answers as I get questions.

Go forth and ask, people.

As most of my close friends know, I'm an American Idol junkie. It's embarrassing, but I've given up caring - I like the show, dammit! =)

In the spirit of Peter King, here are Eight Things I Think I Think About American Idol:

1. So glad the Brittenum twins got arrested/jailed and booted off the show. Couldn't *stand* them. I just have a fear that in Week 10 or something, the music's going to stop and "Enter Sandman" is going to start up. Then both the Brittenum twins, dressed in black, are going to come running down the ramp onto the stage and body slam Simon before grabbing the mike and announcing their return.

Maybe that's not a bad thing.

2. I'm fairly happy that all the people I've been rooting for made it. Of course, it's entirely possible that the only reason I was rooting for them in the first place is because the producers did focus stories on them. I'm not immune to clever marketing. However, that Brenna chick is already on my nerves, and makes me wish there was a way to vote against someone, rather than just for them.

3. I've noticed a lot of parallels from previous years in terms of competitor personalities and musical styles. Brenna seems to be filling the Makayla "WHAT, ME ANNOYING?!?" Gordon role from last year. Ace is definitely taking over for Constantine. David is a cooler version of John Stevens from Season 3. Chris is a more country-fied version of Bo. Kellie is a more country-fied version of Carrie (if that's even *possible*). I'm looking forward to seeing how they do.

4. I know he wasn't the best singer. I know he was awkward as hell. But dammit, I liked the cowboy kid who sang to the turkeys. He'd have been utterly destroyed being in the top 24, though.

5. As wrong as it is of me, I know for a fact that if I'd have been in the running for the top 24, every time someone came out that door shaking their head and crying I'd be doing a little mental fist pump.

6. Respect++ for Mandisa in the way she handled Simon. I think Simon was fully expecting to get both barrels from her for his comments during the first round of auditions, and she totally disarmed him. First time I think I've ever seen Simon humbled.

7. I'm intrigued by Paris. As a singer, she's amazing - power, range, the whole package. Just not sure if she can handle the pressure of the competition. If she can, she's got a shot to win it all.

8. Here's my current opinion of ranking. YMMV, etc, etc....

Girls:

Paris - IMO, the female singer with the best *ability* to bring an amazing performance.
Lisa - Very, very close to Paris' talent level. Will be interesting to see if they split the younger vote.
Kellie - Channels Reba McEntire, which is good enough for me.
Katharine - Great singer, plus she's got the whole 'girl next door' quality which will easily get her into the top 12 so long as she doesn't make any major mistakes.
Mandisa - Best power singer of the group, IMO.
Ayla - Ordinarily I'd think she's going to have problems due to her age, but she doesn't seem to know she's only 17.
Heather - I think being just a screaming hottie will get her close to the top 12, but not quite there.
Melissa - Kind of bland, but a good singer.
Stevie - Vibrato issues, but could have been nerves.
Kinnik - Haven't honestly heard enough of her singing to have a solid opinion yet.
Becky - Only my strong dislike of Brenna's voice keeps Becky out of last place. She's gorgeous, but her voice is noticeably weaker than the other girls.
Brenna - As a singer, she's about low-to-mid level in the group. Being an annoying bitch gets her last place for this one. I have a feeling she'll move up on my list in later shows out of grudging respect, but right now she's at the bottom.

Guys:

Ace - The total package: Looks, voice, charisma. Barring an epic screwup, he's going to have a good shot at being the second male American Idol.
Chris - Great backstory, solid rocker-type singer. Bo's success last year will help him a lot.
Gedeon - Pretty confident, I'd say. =) His singing style will get him into the top 12.
Sway - Someone needs to be the soulful, laid back guy, and Sway seems to have volunteered for the job.
Taylor - Taylor is going to be very interesting to watch. He's the most unique of all the contestants, period. I just don't know how well that will translate into popularity. I like him a lot, so we'll see how it goes.
Bobby - Solid, not super fancy or flashy. Ought to be good enough for the top 12.
Kevin - His age and super-young looks will either get him into the top 12 or get him knocked out in the first 2 weeks. There's just no way to tell.
Elliott - Utterly forgettable, to borrow Simon's phrase.
David - I don't think the crooner thing will work out for him. Of course, I haven't seen him try a pop song yet, either.
Patrick - Haven't seen enough of him to have a solid opinion either way.
Will - Just don't think he can handle the pressure.
Bucky - Don't think he's good enough to match up with the others.

Feel free to berate me or argue with me. =)

Currently playing in the WWdN (wilwheaton.net) Tuesday game, and I just busted out someone who had KK pre-flop. I had 72o.

72o. The HAMMER!

I feel so dirty. =)

But only 'cause it's Friday and I'm killing time before I go play pool. =)

List 10 fictional characters you would have sex with/have a furious makeout session with, then tag 5 friends.


1. Kate Libby in "Hackers" (Angelina Jolie)
-- Come on now, do I even need to explain this one? Hawt *and* a top shelf hacker? Hell yes.

2. Jadzia Dax in "Star Trek: Deep Space 9" (Terry Farrell)
-- Just for that smirk she can do. I can't explain why it makes her hot, 'cause you either understand or you don't.

3. Elena Montero in "The Mask of Zorro" (Catherine Zeta Jones)
-- Attitude, sword fighting skills, and a body so smoking it sets off alarms. How can you go wrong?

4. Jennifer Lyons in "Blame it on Rio" (Michelle Johnson)
-- She had an effect on my formative years. And by effect, I mean boobs. Shit, I mean breasts...er, she just had CANS FOR DAYS. You get the idea. I was 13. She was topless with very nice breasts. And I was 13.

5. Barbara Wilson/Batgirl in "Batman and Robin" (Alicia Silverstone)
-- DON'T JUDGE ME!

6. Guinevere in "King Arthur" (Keira Knightley)
-- Kickass attitude + ability to fuck people up with a bow = WINNAR! She'd hurt me, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

7. Abigail Whistler in "Blade: Trinity" (Jessica Biel)
-- See above - same reason. =)

8. Mary Jane Watson in "Spider-Man" (Kirsten Dunst)
-- Take one of my favorite actresses. Make her a redhead. Put her in a comic book movie. This makes me happy. =)

9. Mystique in "X-Men" (Rebecca Romijn)
-- Blue, naked, and can change into any woman she's ever seen. Slight downside of being evil, but hey - people have their faults.

10. Petra in "Rounders" (Famke Janssen)
-- Just something about her. Maybe the accent. Maybe the poker. Maybe the absolute hawtness.

EDIT!

11. Kaylee in "Firefly" (Jewel Staite)
-- HOW DID I FORGET KAYLEE?!? *pant*


As for 5 people, I choose lafemmezilla, revhhkitty, c_d_winters, the_fae, higher, and notalk.

Yes, that's 6. So what?

Yet, there as certain areas I claim as my domain. I would never presume to think I had more knowledge of horses than higher, nor more knowledge of writing than irysangel, and definitely would never claim more knowledge of music than magbastard, I *do* claim movie quotes.

SO STEP OFF, BIZOTCHES!

On an aside, I think this test is wrong. No way I missed 2. No fucking way.

You are Worthy About damn time you're finally done with a score of 94! %

Welcome to my World! Not quite the mile high club...or as fun, but hey, we can't have everything...GOOD JOB you little movie goon you. Let me know if you want to battle movie quotes sometime, because I just happen to have that kinda time on my hands..and since you know as many movie quotes at me...obviously you do too ;)

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 90% on moviequote

Link: The Name that Movie Quote Test written by centric21 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Serenity Trailer

...oh HELL yeah.

Another post to kill time till I can slip out of work unnoticed to begin my weekend! Can I get a "Hell yeah!"?

...

Crap.

( Because I ramble, rant, and r0X0r within. )

Trimmed the friends list down some. Mainly in a "geez, they haven't posted in forever" sort of way. If you want to be re-added so you can continue to read my babbling, just let me know. =)

Social Security: Broke in 2041

I turn 67 in 2039. That means I get a whopping 2 years of benefits before it goes under, after paying them for 51 years.

Someone needs to get on the fucking stick.

As ordered by the_fae =)

Edit: Oops!


Music Survey

one. Total amount of music files on your computer?
4.72 gigabytes

two. The last cd you bought was...
Sarah McLachlan -- Mirrorball


three. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
Yesterday -- Boyz II Men (one of my favorite remakes)


four. Write down five songs you often listen to or mean a lot to you.
Love Song -- Tesla
You Raised Me Up -- Josh Groban
Million Miles Away -- The Offspring
Jump Around -- House of Pain
Adagio for Strings -- Samuel Barber


five. What new music are you really excited for in the coming year so far?
Heh - I'm soooo geeky, but I'm looking forward to the Star Wars Ep III soundtrack.

six. What 5 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?
jeniviolet
trelana
sir_downfall
acidicpixiedust
dolphina847